April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month, a time to raise awareness and create actionable steps toward preventing child abuse and neglect. This month highlights the importance of supporting families and communities to create safe, healthy environments where children can thrive.
As a parent, guardian, or caregiver, it’s crucial to understand the difference between discipline and abuse. Effective discipline teaches children right from wrong, but it's essential to recognize when discipline crosses the line into abuse, which can have lasting physical, emotional, and psychological effects on children. Ensuring that discipline is always fair, consistent, and focused on teaching is key to fostering a healthy parent-child relationship. As caregivers, you might think that you need to lean into your anger to discipline a child, but when children are afraid, they are stressed, and when a child is stressed, they cannot absorb the information that a caregiver is trying to teach them.
Abuse Versus Discipline
Understanding where discipline crosses the line into abuse is crucial for preventing child abuse, and it’s where many caregivers can struggle, especially in high stress situations where the caregiver is feeling unregulated. Discipline should be calm, consistent, and intentional, not humiliating or hurtful. It should be done when the caregiver is in a calm state, which will help the child feel calm and regulated.
Ways to implement effective discipline into the home:
- Regulate Yourself and Lead by Example:
Pause and breathe before reacting to something your child did. Remember to always lead with kindness and ask yourself, “am I teaching, or am I punishing?” If you need to take some time to yourself to calm down, that is okay. Let your children see you utilize healthy coping skills when dealing with a stressful situation or conflict. Children are sponges and they will exhibit behaviors that are modeled to them, so be careful and aware of behaviors you are showing them. - Set Clear Expectations Ahead of Time:
For example, if you and your family are going out to a restaurant, set clear expectations with your children about what behavior you expect while there (like “no running,” “say please and thank you”), keeping in mind that children may need gentle reminders. If expectations are not met, then a natural consequence may be that they don’t get to go out to eat for a while. - Keep Discipline Age-Appropriate:
Children will exhibit different behavior depending on their age and what stage of development they are at - a two-year-old child is going to exhibit different behaviors than a seven-year-old. Regardless of how old a child is, remember that children are not adults, and should not be held to the same standard of behavior. Children should not be punished for what is developmentally appropriate behavior. - Connect With Them:
If your child is old enough, sit and talk with them about their behavior. Use active listening skills and help them feel safe by creating a non-judgmental environment. Explain to your child what behavior you want to see in the future and create a plan with your child on what you will both do to change their behavior.
Remember, by staying informed, supporting prevention programs, and seeking help when needed, we can all work together to create a safer environment for children and help prevent child abuse. Early intervention and community support are key to fostering healthy, thriving children.
Nexus Family Healing is a national nonprofit mental health organization that restores hope for thousands of children and families who come to us for community mental health services, foster care and adoption, and residential treatment. For over 50 years, our network of agencies has used innovative, personalized approaches to heal trauma, break cycles of harm, and reshape futures. We believe every child is worth it — and every family matters. Access more resources at NexusFamilyHealing.org/resources.